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Driaz
MLB Rookie
Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 181
Location: Tucson
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 Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 7:57 pm Post subject: Don't ever fuck with Jack Bauer! |
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Ok, I'm only watching momentarily in between the first of the two hour first night premier, and in case any of you east coast folks would say something, I won't check back on the thread until after I see the second hour tonight.  |
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XB3
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 394
Location: The player named later
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| Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 8:04 pm Post subject: |
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| Jack went all Count Dracula on some terrorist ass! |
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Driaz
MLB Rookie
Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 181
Location: Tucson
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| Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:03 pm Post subject: |
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Hey XB3!
That was absolutely hilarious when Jack when Dracula on the terrorists ass.  |
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XB3
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 394
Location: The player named later
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| Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:08 pm Post subject: |
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Jack has killed alot of people, but never bit them to death.
Killing Jack Bauer doesn't make him dead. It just makes him angry.
If Jack Bauer was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Nina Meyers, and he had a gun with 2 bullets, he'd shoot Nina twice.
If you wake up in the morning, it's because Jack Bauer spared your life.
Superman wears Jack Bauer pajamas.
If it tastes like chicken, looks like chicken, and feels like chicken, but Jack Bauer says its beef. Then you better believe it's beef.
Jack Bauer once forgot where he put his keys. He then spent the next half-hour torturing himself until he gave up the location of the keys.
1.6 billion Chinese are angry with Jack Bauer. Sounds like a fair fight.
Let's get one thing straight: the only reason you are conscious right now is because Jack Bauer does not feel like carrying you.
Jack Bauer was never addicted to heroin. Heroin was addicted to Jack Bauer.
Jack Bauer played Russian Roulette with a fully loaded gun and won.
When life gave Jack Bauer lemons, he used them to kill terrorists. Jack Bauer hates lemonade.
Jack Bauer once won a game of Connect 4 in 3 moves.
Osama bin Laden's recent proposal for truce is a direct result of him finding out that Jack Bauer is, in fact, still alive.
Jack Bauer is the leading cause of death in Middle Eastern men.
Jack Bauer doesn't miss. If he didn't hit you it's because he was shooting at another terrorist twelve miles away.
When Jack Bauer was a child, he made his mother finish his vegetables.
Jack Bauer killed 93 people in just 4 days time. Wait, that is a real fact.
Simon Says should be renamed to Jack Bauer Says because if Jack Bauer says something then you better do it.
Jack Bauer won the Tour de France on a unicycle to prove to Lance Armstrong it wasn't a big deal. He thinks yellow wristbands are gay.
When Jack Bauer pissses into the wind, the wind changes direction.
Jack Bauer's favorite color is severe terror alert red. His second favorite color is violet, but just because it sounds like violent.
When you open a can of whoop-ass, Jack Bauer jumps out.
When Google can't find something, it asks Jack Bauer for help.
You can lead a horse to water. Jack Bauer can make him drink.
Jack Bauer can get McDonald's breakfast after 10:30.
When the boogie man goes to sleep, he checks his closet for Jack Bauer.
In 96 hours, Jack Bauer has killed 93 people and saved the world 4 times. What the hell have you done with your life?
Jesus died and rose from the dead in 3 days. It took Jack Bauer less than an hour. And he's done it twice.
Jack Bauer killed so many terrorists that at one point, the #5 CIA Most Wanted fugitive was an 18-year-old teenager in Malaysia who downloaded the movie Dodgeball.
In kindergarten, Jack Bauer killed a terrorist for Show and Tell.
What color is Jack Bauer's blood? Trick question. Jack Bauer does not bleed.
Guns dont kill people, Jack Bauer kills people.
If Jack and MacGyver were locked in a room together, Jack would make a bomb out of MacGyver and get out.
People with amnesia still remember Jack Bauer.
Sun Tzu once wrote, "If your enemy is weaker, conquer him. If he is stronger, join him. If he is Jack Bauer, you're f***ing dead."
Jack Bauer literally died for his country, and lived to tell about it.
Jack Bauer has been to Mars. That's why there's no life on Mars.
Superman's only weakness is Kryptonite. Jack Bauer laughs at Superman for having a weakness.
When Batman is in trouble, he turns on the Jack Bauer signal.
It took Jack Bauer two minutes to beat a confession out of OJ.
If Jack Bauer was gay, his name would be Chuck Norris.
The bumper sticker on Jesus's car reads, "WWJBD?"
Jack Bauer was conceived by torturing the other sperm until they gave up the location of the egg.
After 7 minutes of interrogation at the hands of Jack Bauer, Tom Cruise admitted that he was gay.
Jack Bauer's family threw him a surprise birthday party when he was a child. Once. |
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Driaz
MLB Rookie
Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 181
Location: Tucson
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| Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:33 pm Post subject: |
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Hey XB3!
I've read almost all of these before, and love to laugh at them all. 24 is the epitome of an asshole male. Well, maybe not the epitome, I was in the Navy, but I doubt I could withstand the shit Jack Bauer takes. ROFLMBO!!!! LOL, let me take that back, I KNOW without a doubt I couldn't come close to withstanding the shit Jack Bauer takes. LOL |
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XB3
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 394
Location: The player named later
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| Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 9:40 pm Post subject: |
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| Well Driaz, all Navy guys must have been laughing hysterically the season when the Russians parked a nuke sub in the harbor. Some of the situations are ridiculous. |
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tmar
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1272
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| Posted: Sun Jan 14, 2007 10:13 pm Post subject: |
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| I must be the only guy in America never to see that show. Is this a joke or is Kiefer Sutherland really playing a believable bad ass role? |
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shoewizard
Hall of Famer
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 3717
Location: In front of my computer
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 12:27 am Post subject: |
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| Looks like Jack is about to go all wimpy on us. |
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XB3
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 394
Location: The player named later
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 9:50 am Post subject: |
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| tmar wrote: |
| I must be the only guy in America never to see that show. Is this a joke or is Kiefer Sutherland really playing a believable bad ass role? |
Sutherland plays a bad ass, and does it pretty good. I think he whispers way too much in situations that he doesn't need to be.
The show itself is wild because no character, except Jack apparently, is safe from dying. Be it bullets, rockets, biological weapons, or coerced suicide. Jack was once forced to execute his boss.
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AZ SnakePit
MLB Rookie
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 200
Location: Scottsdale, AZ
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 11:31 am Post subject: |
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| XB3 wrote: |
| The show itself is wild because no character, except Jack apparently, is safe from dying. Be it bullets, rockets, biological weapons, or coerced suicide. Jack was once forced to execute his boss. |
And I'm sure everyone who saw that thought of forging an ultimatum from a terrorist group, so that you could get to do the same thing: "Sorry, Mr. Burns, but this is for the good of the country." BANG! 
24 kicks ass. We've been addicted since we watched the entire first season on DVD in three days: skipped it on broadcast because we got sick of the endless frickin' adverts for it during the 2001 World Series! Not made that mistake since...
Now, if only we could set Jack Bauer on the frickin' spammers here... Time to put on my admin head... 
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Jim McLennan
AZ SnakePit
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matt
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1906
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:11 pm Post subject: |
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| I downloaded tonights eps last night and WOW!! I'd comment on the yesterday's eps but the four kind of blended together for me. |
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Driaz
MLB Rookie
Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 181
Location: Tucson
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 1:16 pm Post subject: |
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| XB3 wrote: |
| Well Driaz, all Navy guys must have been laughing hysterically the season when the Russians parked a nuke sub in the harbor. Some of the situations are ridiculous. |
Jack : Do you have a firearm?
Petty Officer : No. The armory is on the other side of the ship.
Jack: You need to find something that will work as a weapon.
Petty Officer : I have a utility tool, it has a knife on it?
Jack : That'll work.
...
Petty Officer : You still haven't told me what you need me to do.
Jack : You need to go to the forward escape hatch and let us in.
Petty Officer : But there is a man there guarding it.
Jack : You're gonna have to kill him.
Petty Officer : <silence> but I'm just an engineer. I'm not trained for that.
....
Jack : .....(infamous Bauer line) We're running out of time.
.....
.....
Jack : What's your position son?
Petty Officer : I'm 30 feet forward of the hatch.
Jack : Have you got a visual on the hostile guarding the hatch?
Petty Officer : Yeah, he's still there. What do you want me to do?
Jack : You need to kill him without alerting the others.
Petty Officer : <wide eyed shocked expression> silence
Jack : Are you right handed or left handed?
Petty Officer : I'm right handed.
Jack : I want you to approach him from behind. When you are within 18 inches, I want you to put your left hand over his mouth and pull his head back into your chest esposing his neck. Then I want you to take your right hand and slit his throat.
Petty Officer : Oh my God! 
Jack : You need to cut deep in order to severe the vocal chords and the carotid artery.
Petty Officer : <silence> uh, hmm I, uh, I don't know if I can do this.
Jack : You don't have a choice son.
<silence>
Jack : You need to focus on the objective. <long pause> You cannot afford to think about this son. You need to do it.
Go Navy, go baby!!!!
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misterx
MLB Rookie
Joined: 12 Nov 2006
Posts: 155
Location: do you really care
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 2:18 pm Post subject: |
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best show on tv
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its all fun and games untill some loses an eye then its fun we cant see |
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matt
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1906
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 2:33 pm Post subject: |
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from an older season:
"The only way you're going to die is if I kill you. Your bomb's not going off." |
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XB3
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 394
Location: The player named later
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:39 pm Post subject: |
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| Did anyone notice that when Fayed and his men threw Jack into their vehicle, he had a head wound that was bleeding fairly profusely. Yet within 15 minutes (probably less) of '24' time, Jack didn't have so much as a teeny scab there. And nothing further was said about the stab wound Fayed inflicted on him, nor did it seem to have any effect on him after the initial wound. Jack is impervious to stab wounds! |
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matt
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1906
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:53 pm Post subject: |
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| Look, its 24 and therefore impossible things but be ingored from time to time. You could say the same thing about how no matter where they are, they can get to any part of the city in 5-20 minutes. Traffic be damned. |
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matt
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1906
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 3:58 pm Post subject: |
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Jack and Jill went up the hill. Only Jack came down. Jill was a fucking terrorist.
For the ultimate 24 fan:
The Jack Bauer Manpurse
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tmar
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1272
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:35 pm Post subject: |
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| Allright, you've sold me. I'll have to put my Netflix into action and rent the previous seasons. |
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misterx
MLB Rookie
Joined: 12 Nov 2006
Posts: 155
Location: do you really care
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:38 pm Post subject: |
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can't wait to see tonights 2 hours
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its all fun and games untill some loses an eye then its fun we cant see |
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McCray
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1565
Location: clawing my eyes out, praying for sleep. booyah.
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:39 pm Post subject: |
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i'm sold too, tmar. i tried to get into it when it first came out on tv, but every season i miss an episode or two, and then i'm totally fucking lost and i eventually give up. this show sounds like a cool rental, though.
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Hank, you're dead to me. |
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David B
Everyday Player
Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 637
Location: Portland
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:40 pm Post subject: |
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| I'm always amazed that Jack Bauer never has to go to the bathroom in a 24 hour period. His bladder is tougher than he is. |
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tmar
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 1272
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:42 pm Post subject: |
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| Perhaps related to his apparent aggressiveness. |
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EvilJuan
Veteran Presence
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 2026
Location: Phoenix, AZ
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:44 pm Post subject: |
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| David B wrote: |
| I'm always amazed that Jack Bauer never has to go to the bathroom in a 24 hour period. His bladder is tougher than he is. |
Jack Bauer is so tough that others wet/soil themselves for him.
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Is It Next Season Yet? 
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David B
Everyday Player
Joined: 11 Aug 2006
Posts: 637
Location: Portland
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 4:53 pm Post subject: |
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| We never get to see him on his "lazy" days. You know, Jack getting up late, hungover after an all night drunk, sitting on th couch in his underwear, scratching himself while he channel surfs the Sunday NFL games...all the while with that little clock ticking in the bottom corner. |
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XB3
Journeyman
Joined: 10 Aug 2006
Posts: 394
Location: The player named later
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| Posted: Mon Jan 15, 2007 5:28 pm Post subject: |
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| David B wrote: |
| We never get to see him on his "lazy" days. You know, Jack getting up late, hungover after an all night drunk, sitting on th couch in his underwear, scratching himself while he channel surfs the Sunday NFL games...all the while with that little clock ticking in the bottom corner. |
That would be "The other 24."
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